The Lie We Believe About Forgiveness—and the Truth That Sets Us Free
- Deanisha
- Jun 17
- 4 min read
Forgiveness is a powerful concept, yet it is often misunderstood. Many people struggle with the idea of forgiving someone who has wronged them, believing it means excusing bad behavior or letting the offender off the hook. This post challenges those misconceptions about forgiveness and reveals the liberating truth that can transform our emotional lives.
Understanding Forgiveness
Forgiveness is frequently portrayed as a noble act that we should strive for. Some think it involves simply letting go of past wrongs and going back to the way things were. This misunderstanding can lead to feelings of frustration and resentment, especially when we believe that forgiving someone equates to minimizing our pain.
We may struggle with forgiveness because of two main false beliefs: "Forgiveness means excusing the offense," and "Forgiveness is for the other person." These lies can keep us trapped in cycles of hurt and grievance.
The Lie: Forgiveness Means Excusing the Offense
A common misconception about forgiveness is that it means excusing or overlooking the wrong done to us. This belief can create internal conflict, where we fear that forgiving someone invalidates our feelings or minimizes our suffering.
In reality, forgiveness does not erase the past. Instead, it allows us to release the hold that the offense has on our lives. Studies show that individuals who practice forgiveness experience lower levels of anxiety and stress, which can lead to greater emotional well-being. By forgiving, we acknowledge the hurt and prioritize our emotional health over the offender's actions.
The Truth: Forgiveness is about Empowerment
Forgiveness is primarily about our response to the actions of others. It empowers us to reclaim our peace of mind and emotional well-being. When we grasp this truth, we can begin to shift our perspective. Forgiveness allows us to let go of resentment and the pain associated with the offense, enabling us to move forward without being weighed down.
It is crucial to understand that forgiving does not mean reconciling with the person who has hurt us. In a 2020 survey, 70% of respondents indicated they had forgiven someone without ever reconciling the relationship. Forgiveness is a personal, internal process. It is about letting go for our own sake, regardless of whether the other person acknowledges their wrongdoing.
The Lie: Forgiveness is for the Other Person
Another prevalent misconception is that forgiveness is done for the benefit of the person who wronged us. This belief can foster feelings of resentment, especially when we realize the offender may not recognize their misdeeds or might never seek our forgiveness.
Truthfully, forgiveness is primarily for ourselves. It frees our hearts and minds from the shackles of past pain. When we recognize that we forgive not for the other person's sake, but for our own emotional health and peace of mind, we can free ourselves from the burden of expectation.
The Truth: Forgiveness is an Act of Self-Love
Understanding that forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves allows us to approach it with compassion. It becomes an act of self-love rather than an obligation. By choosing to forgive, we affirm our worth and prioritize our emotional health.
Remember, forgiveness is not always a one-time decision; it is often a journey that evolves over time. It can take different forms: writing a letter we may never send, consciously letting go of resentful thoughts daily, or even seeking professional help to process our feelings.
Practical Steps towards Forgiveness
Acknowledge Your Feelings: Start by validating your feelings about the hurt. Journaling can help clarify your emotions.
Reframe Your Perspective: Shift your focus from the offense to how forgiveness benefits you. Recognizing that you are the one who gains freedom can be transformative.
Consider the Impact: Reflect on the negative effects of holding onto anger. Research indicates that chronic anger can lead to health issues like high blood pressure and heart disease. This reflection can motivate you to embrace forgiveness.
Set Boundaries: Remember that forgiving does not mean keeping someone in your life. Be clear with yourself about what you need to heal.
Seek Support: Talk to trusted friends or a therapist. Sharing your experiences can provide new insights and help foster healing.
The Journey Ahead
Starting the journey of forgiveness takes courage and self-reflection. While it may require effort, embracing these truths can bring an incredible sense of relief and lightness into our lives.
Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves, a way to reclaim our power and step into a life free from past grievances. You have the right to experience the peace that comes with forgiveness.
Moving Forward with Forgiveness
As we navigate life, we will face challenges that test our ability to forgive. It is easy to fall into the traps created by false beliefs about what forgiveness means. However, by embracing forgiveness as a personal journey of self-love, we can uplift ourselves and reclaim our emotional freedom.
Forgiveness benefits not just us individually but also cultivates healthier relationships. Let us choose to forgive for our own sake, not because others deserve it, but because we do. Our hearts will be grateful for this choice!
This Week’s Challenge:
Write a letter to someone you haven’t fully forgiven. Pour it out—every emotion, every memory, every wound. Then tear it up, burn it, or toss it away. Say this out loud:
“God, I release what they may never repair. I forgive so I can live.”
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” – Ephesians 4:32 (NLT)
Need help walking through this journey?
I created The Forgiveness Journal and matching Affirmation Cards to help you release emotional weight one page at a time. It’s not just a journal—it’s your personal healing space.
Start your journey today:
Get Your Forgiveness Journal at the link below:
Because forgiveness isn’t for them—it’s for you.
~Coach D
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