Why Was I Waiting for the Worst?

"When Forgiveness Turns Into a Stall Tactic"

I caught myself doing something I didn’t even realize I was doing.

I wasn’t wishing for anything bad to happen…

But I was waiting on it.

Waiting for one final blow, one undeniable wrong, one “aha, now you HAVE to leave” moment.

As if the pain I already felt wasn’t enough.

As if the betrayal I already endured didn’t count.

As if the apology I accepted—and tried to move forward from—somehow pressed pause on my right to walk away.

It’s like I was holding out for the straw that would break the camel’s back.

Even though my camel had been limping for miles.

And the wildest part?

There were already so many reasons to go.

Reasons that hurt. Reasons that cried. Reasons that robbed me of peace.

But because I had forgiven them… I thought I had to stay.

So I didn’t leave.

Not because I didn’t want to.

But because I was waiting for something to justify what I already knew deep down.

Waiting for the big explosion, the smoking gun, the final offense.

As if it had to end in flames in order to be valid.

But here’s what I’m learning:

You don’t need to wait for the worst to make a move.

You don’t need another heartbreak to prove you’ve had enough.

You don’t need to collect pain like evidence in a courtroom to finally choose you.

Sometimes, the most powerful decision is the one you make quietly.

The one that says: I love me more than I love proving a point.

I stayed longer than I should’ve, not because I was weak—

But because I thought endurance equaled worth.

And that leaving without a dramatic ending meant I was being dramatic.

But now?

Now I know better.

Because peace doesn’t always wait for disaster.

Sometimes it shows up the moment you stop pretending what’s breaking you still belongs to you.

Have you ever waited for things to get worse, just to feel justified in leaving?

Let’s talk about it.

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Unapologetically healing,

– Coach D